Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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