Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
