Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My vagina just recognized that song.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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