Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
