I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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