Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
