he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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