i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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