.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
