he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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