At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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