She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
