end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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