I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
