i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
