i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
