true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
