I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
