I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
