I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
