All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
