she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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