What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
