should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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