i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
