and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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