If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
