i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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