it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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