I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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