So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
