If i come over, it means nothing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
