Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
