dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
