Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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