clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
