I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
