ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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