I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
