Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
