just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
