I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
