we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
