i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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