I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
