Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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