Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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