what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
