The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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