Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
