When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
