Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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