My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
