we made out on top of his cat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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