I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
