I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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