OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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