Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
