I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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