We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
