I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
