Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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