I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
