So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
