my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
