I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
