I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
