You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
