Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
